Ian and I have reviewed his file, pulled out the medical dictionaries, tried to understand all of the terminology, talked with many doctors as they reviewed his file and condition, and have tried to wrap our brains around and understand what exactly was going on with this precious little boy. As we began dicussing adoption last year, we did go into it discussing special needs. Not once did heart defects come up, but we also were not very knowledgeable about all/any special needs and the needs of children that were waiting for someone to love them and make them apart of their family. As we looked at this little boy and knew that he had a heart defect, suprisingly, it did not scare us as much as I thought it would. But I have to be honest in saying that as we got some more information, and the prognosis was not great, the mama in me was hurt and scared for him (and for us). The more we prayed about him and the direction that God was leading us, the more we felt that this boy was OURS. Although, the outcome may or maynot be what we think is ideal or perfect, does not mean that it is not God's perfect plan. We strongly feel that God has placed this little boy on our hearts and in our lives. Not one of us are promised tomorrow, but we can live for HIM today. We will teach our son to KNOW and to LOVE GOD. And I thank God for this opportunity. Not only is this a huge blessing to bring this child into our home to love on him and teach him about our SAVIOR, but it is growing me closer and closer to GOD each and every day. I am learning that I need to lean on HIM and HE is all that I need. I still struggle with wanting to 'fix' things myself, but HE is teaching me to trust in HIM. On my own, I am an awful mess. I am unkind, impatient and selfish. Only through HIM, can I begin to bear the fruit of love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. My prayer is that HE continue to mold and teach me and that I be willing to be molded. God is continuing to amaze me at what He is teaching me. Not only in the 'things' that HE has given and the blessings in my life, but for opening my eyes so that I can SEE Him in everything, and in everything, give HIM the praise.
Ok, sorry I think I started rambling! My thoughts may be jumbled up, but it is because I am SO overwelmed by GOD. He is just continuing to show me and teach me so much.
Well..., I began telling you a little about Shun Xian Zhi in China. We saw his picture last July, got a little scared, but God clearly told us that he is our child. We prayed for HIS direction and HE led us to begin the adoption process. The fact that he had a heart defect did not scare us right away, but when we began to learn a little more about it and were told that the outcome would not be great, we began to worry. But God has taken those fears and worries, and now, we just know that this is our little boy, and he is far away from his new family. We are ready to bring him home! Whatever we are to face, we know that God is bigger that ANYTHING! Without HIM, we would not or could not do this, so we are trusting in GOD to guide us through.
We are planning to name our little boy Caleb. As I said before, Caleb has already had one surgery. He will need to have another heart surgery soon after we get him home. We know that God already knows what Caleb needs and HE knows my anxious heart. And HE is calming my fears and reminding me each day that HE is in Control.
We were very anxious in the beginning about his condition. So I sent in a request to find out how he was doing. Our agency was informed by the orphanage that he acted like other children his age, running, jumping and playing. He played with no signs of shortness of breath. Which was a very good sign to us, considering he has a heart defect. The orphanage sent us this picture in August.
Our agency did say that if anything were to go wrong, they would contact us. We are very thankful that nothing has gone wrong. But we are very anxious to see him and want to know how he is doing. So, last week I contacted a SWEET lady in China so that I could send him a few items and see how he is doing. I sent a package with some soft balls for him (in his video that we have he is playing with a ball, and he seems to LOVE it!). We also sent a flash drive so they can load more pictures of him on it for us, a bag for his personal items, a photo album and some candy. He should receive it in a couple of days. BUT, the good news is that she went ahead and contacted the orphanage for us. They sent information about how he was doing. He seems to be gaining some weight. They also sent these pictures. It was so good to be able to see updated pictures of him and to know and see that he is doing well.
Now, since we have our LID (logged-in-date), they are saying travel time could be August- October. So, we do not really know when we will travel. But it is getting closer!!!! And we cannot wait to bring Caleb home!
Thank you for reading all of my ramblings!!! Please continue to pray for us and for Caleb throughout this process. Even though we do not know all of the answers, it is so conforting to know that we do not have to! GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!!! And with HIM, what should we fear???? ......NOTHING!
GOD is GOOD! And we are so thankful for this road He has put us on. We knew that when we felt God calling us, we just had to be willing to say yes. And we are so glad we did. We would have missed so much if we tried to control our situation and life. God knows the plans He has for our lives, and they are soo much better than our plans. We just have to be willing to say YES!
Will you say YES to whatever God is calling you to do? Sometimes, we have to slow down and just listen. Then, be willing to say... YES to God!